Reflecting today and realizing that I could actually write about “becoming poor in America.” That is what’s been happening to us lately, and I think the thing that is especially difficult is staying out of a poor mindset. We struggle with that. It's one thing to have a low income; it's quite another to be poor! There is so much that has changed in our lives because of our level of income. Of course, we keep telling ourselves that we’re not staying this way. This is just a temporary income crisis that we’re dealing with. We’re not going to live out the rest of our lives this way. But then we look at some of the harsh reality.
It’s been over 2 years since we left Texas. In that time our income has dropped in drastic leaps until now we are bringing in right at 1/4th of the income we had in Texas. We qualify fairly easily for food stamps now. We are well into the poverty range in income. Like I said “becoming poor in America.”
Of course, there have been other times during the past 40 years that we’ve been much like this. When our first 2 girls were little, Rich taught school and we missed qualifying for food stamps by $50/month. Of course, Rich worked extra jobs to avoid technical poverty back then - and we were young and energetic and on our way to better. Well, we didn’t really get a whole lot better than that. We didn’t really manage to bring in quite the income our friends and relatives did, but we managed to keep up with them in many ways - pretty much at the expense of future security, which is a piece of the poor mindset. We knew to “pay the old man first” (which as a teacher, we did by paying into the state retirement system monthly) and to put aside money for an emergency fund. But it seemed that every time I put money into savings, we’d have an emergency that was within $5 more than I had just put into savings. We had the distinct impression that God wanted us to trust Him, not put aside money on our own, so we eventually just didn’t worry about it any more.
Now, when Rich went to Bible College, we were debt free. And just a year or so before that (before the Oklahoma City house foreclosure, etc) we actually showed a significant net worth - somewhere around 20,000 (almost a year’s income!). Of course, that net worth stuff changed when the house foreclosed. We lost right at $20,000 in that deal. But still we were debt free. Well, to get through Bible college, we did take student loans. But we figured we’d get a decent job when we finished, pay them off and get on with life. So we worked at every job we could find, while Rich did school and I homeschooled our kids, and eventually got through Bible college. As Rich says, he crammed that 2 year program into 3 years, so he could work full-time for God now.
Enter MCC, the employee who makes you request to get paid each month, and tries to get you to donate at least most of your paycheck back to the school. What’s that? 2 years of that brought us so low spiritually and emotionally that we had to get out of there - even with no other job to go to. So we had 2 years of lots of part time jobs and horrible emotional/spiritual wandering while we got Kristee through high school and Kathy and I went to K-State, with Jenn at my side in an amazing homeschool adventure. Now we added some student loans for me, but figuring I would finish school and get a teaching job and pay them back - no big deal. But then we moved to another state, waited a year so I could get residency and return to school to finish up. New state, new rules. I was trapped. Too far from finishing K-State to transfer Florida credits; too close to Florida requirements to bring K-State work there; and it would require 3 more years with the nearest school in Orlando, to finish the 1 semester plus student teaching that I had needed at K-State. It was a horrible mess. Besides all that, I was realizing that i was not cut out for a grade school classroom at all. I changed to graphic design, picked up an associate degree and started looking for the great job that was virtually promised in the recruiting stuff. What I found was that I was indeed almost 50 years old with no acceptable work experience, student loan debt and something much less than a bachelor degree. I found jobs that hardly paid more than minimum wage, so I went to work anyway, assuming I could work my way up and do better. Then we moved again . . . and again . . . and again.
Finally, we found ourselves in Texas. All our children out of our home - 2 married, 1 still in college. Rich had a decent income and I found a job I enjoyed. At least I mostly enjoyed it. The boss was a jerk - totally! But the crew I worked with from day to day was a great team. We grew to care about each other and we did work that we could be very proud of, whether our boss recognized it or rewarded it or not. We knew. Of course, part of that work involved the wine industry and other alcohol-related stuff that I really hated. I hugely compromised myself there. But Rich and I were finally beginning to see some life goals happen. We were able to pay down debt that had accumulated and, while we didn’t get to live near our kids, we could afford to go visit them when we could get off work to do it. We could see a lot of hope in the way things were going.
Then it all began to crumble. First came a bit of a split at church, then big financial problems there, which led to Rich taking a second job. I continued to work, and got some good raises and was contributing significantly finally, but I was also watching Rich age before my eyes. Life was being sucked right out of him. It was killing us. So we made plans to move on, and when the time was right, we moved on. That’s almost 2 1/2 years ago now. I’ve never found work again, and Rich has been drastically underemployed. We both really miss our work and the relationships we had with folks back there.
We counted up last night - Rich has sent out around 125 resumes. We’ve had responses from about 1/3 of those - many saying the position has been filled. Everyday he comes home hurting and miserable from being around the people he works with. And everyday he dreads going back to the torture of working retail. Working retail is torture to him. We often wonder what it is we’re supposed to be learning in all this, and how in the world it is preparing us for the work God has in store for us, and why we can’t learn it faster!
We find it difficult to make friends or find the place where we fit here in Lincoln. We meet lots of people. We like them. they seem to like us. We meet people our own ages for a change, but we find we have so little in common with them now. We’ve enjoyed many of the same life experiences - that’s great. We’ve raised children well - and now have grands. We all enjoy that. But they’ve pretty much lived here in Lincoln always - or in the area. And now their kids and grands live here, too - or they’re on the mission field. We find that folks at our point in life enjoy going out to dinner with friends or having their good friends and family over to their lovely homes. Those are not our best activities. They also enjoy traveling and seem to have much freedom at their work - or they’re retired/retiring and have retirement income. Well, that’s not us. Rich works hard, comes home and crashes, carries his lunch to work (leftovers). I stay home and avoid spending money. I have serious cabin fever and tend to gain weight and become increasingly sluggish and depressed. We hesitate to get involved in things here, as we keep ourselves ready to move with 2 weeks notice at any time. That limits where we can live, since all but one place we looked at to rent requires a full year lease with no way to get out early, so we get to “enjoy” noisy, smoking, annoying, slightly scary neighbor, no privacy outdoors and noisy trains in the back yard.
It’s just so strange to me. There are many many people who tell us we’ve touched their lives in incredible ways - that we’ve played important parts in their life journeys. We have a left a trail of friends for reasons and seasons, but we have no life-long friends. We have no roots. Our hometowns where we grew up no longer have family or feel like home to us. We are totally travelers in this life. Our children have longed to be able to name their hometowns. But in fact, home was wherever mom and dad were at the time. Home has been wherever we hang our pictures on the walls. Right now our pictures are in a closet. We are not home. For over a year now. And we are weary. We are so. very. weary. We have come to thoroughly understand weariness, in ways we never imagined, during these past months.
So, what’s it all mean? Where are we headed? I don’t know. One thing I have especially been noticing recently, however, is how spoiled we are here in America. With the horrible disasters we’ve witnessed around the world lately - earthquakes, floods, storms, earthquakes in already poverty stricken Haiti, fires, war, disease, oil spills, etc. - we watch commentators on the news and realize how few of them really get it. So few people in leadership in our lives really “get it” when it comes to poverty and all the doors that are not open to people who live in poverty - and when it comes to disasters/reversals in life. Americans are spoiled; our leaders don’t have a clue; priorities, personal responsibility, ethics, integrity, attitudes of entitlement, worldview - it’s all messed up. We’re living in scary times.
Actually, I wonder if anybody really “gets it” about anything outside of their own little circle of life. I guess that’s where this big worldview thing comes into play. When Rich was teaching school we lived in the world of school. We lived by that daily schedule and yearly/seasonal calendar. Our lives were built around school-teacher ideals and values and giving it all to the children in our charge. Then, for a time he worked in the insurance industry, and that’s when we suddenly realized what a small box we’d been functioning in. There was another world out there. The world his students’ parents lived in was much different than ours. The business world; two week vacations once a year; Christmas bonuses; week after week of the same stuff, the same schedule, the same commute, the same annoying people - grown-ups who should know better! We saw that every walk of life walked in its own comfort zone surrounded by solid walls with very high windows that only let in a little light from the neighbors from time to time, seldom actually giving a view of anything else going on. Since then, we’ve spent time in so many different ways of life. We’ve mixed with wealthy business owners, government workers, musicians, salesmen, tradesmen, educators, students, public officials, small business builders, people who’ve inherited wealth, missionaries, farmers and ranchers, techies, gamers, professional athletes, realtors, preachers - we’ve been many of these people.
I see a bit of a pattern here. God has given us glimpses into so many lives, so many and such varying little cultures within our culture. He has allowed our children to be exposed to so much as they have grown up in our home. Consider that for a time we welcomed a “bag lady” to find shelter in our back yard, while just a few blocks away our daughter’s school friend enjoyed a swimming pool inside her house without understanding that not everyone could live in the style of her family. Sometimes He lets us live another culture; sometimes he plants us close enough to taste it. With each new glimpse, He has let us touch souls. We’ve become friends for reasons and found friends for a season in each area. Our lives have been extremely rich with experiences these past 40 years - and especially these past few hard years. My, what extremes we’ve seen! What blessings we enjoy! What great hope we cling to! What a great God we serve!
4 weeks ago